HOW I FOUND OUT

I know it's been awhile since I shared my good amazing news and I'm not sure if it was good or bad that I waited this long to fill ya in on the details. But, here ya go!

Monday December 1, 2014

I woke up ridiculously early that morning because I had a 7 am flight to catch. We had gotten back to our house pretty late the night before as we were traveling back from Thanksgiving break with our family back home.

I got ready and my husband put my bags in the car. We bundled up our sleeping son and
headed out for our 40 minute drive to the airport. On the way to the airport I fell asleep during my prayer for safe travels and protection for my boys while I was gone.  

Once I arrived at the airport we exchanged hugs, kisses, and goodbyes then I had to focus. I hadn't flown alone since 2005. The last time I took a flight by myself was 10 years ago???! I got checked in, through security, grabbed a smoothie for breakfast, and made my way to the gate. I felt like taking another nap before take off- but I didn't. Once I boarded the plane I texted my husband to let him know the flight was in time and we were getting ready for take off. 

I fell asleep immediately after take off. I had went to bed late the night before and woke up early that morning. I was fully prepared to nap on the plane. I was hoping not to snore. I didn't even bother to wake up for complimentary beverages. After landing I updated my family on my safe arrival then made my way to the hotel. Check in was a breeze and since I was there for business, I wanted to make my way to the registration tables before the madness set in. Once I found out the amount of effort I had to put into doing that- I opted out. I wasn't staying at the same hotel the conference was at so registration was going to have to wait. I already knew my "schedule" because it's posted online in advance. My next order of business was food. I used my Yelp app to locate some eateries in the vicinity and settled on Moe's for lunch. It was in a mall food court which was a short distance from my hotel so I went got my food to go and headed back to the hotel. After eating I was debating on whether or not I should go to the gym at that time or wait awhile since I had just eaten. I purposely packed my workout clothes because it's something I never get to do while home. And since I was husband and child free for 5 days I was determined to get some gym time in. While deciding, I laid down on my hotel room bed with intentions of mapping out a plan for the rest of the evening. Next thing I know I was waking up to texts from my hubby getting updates on our little guy. Dang! I was more tired than I realized. We made plans to FaceTime around 7 so I embarked on another foodventure. We usually FaceTime during dinner with other family members because it's like 'we're having dinner together'. Face timing with my son really broke my heart. My son asked me to get back on the plane and come get him, my husband pointed out that this would be his first night in our home without me since we moved in... a little over two years ago. That's it! No more solo business trips for mommy!

I resolved that I wasn't going to make it to the gym that day but made zero excuses for the following day. I wasn't accepting anything but to go to the gym at some point. I had an early session the next day so shortly after hanging up with my guys I was out like a light. 

Tuesday December 2, 2014

The next morning my alarm clock went off and I actually felt rested. I couldn't help but think that the holiday weekend plus traveling really took a toll on me. I got ready and packed everything I figured I would need for the day (including feminine products) cause I knew I wasn't going back to my room until the day was over. Trying to find breakfast was fruitless. There was just too many people in every single line. So I went into my first session nearly starving but figured I could get something in between sessions. I'm so glad the first session was over ahead of time because food was all I could think about. And surely by now I'd need a bathroom break because I was expecting for "womanly things" to get started. 

The rest of the day was a breeze of session after session with food constantly on my mind. Plus I wasn't as rested as I thought cause I couldn't wait to get back to my room to take a nap! I'm glad I didn't stay in the same hotel as the conference cause I would've surely taken a nap in between sessions and probably never woken up. After getting back to my room, I knew what I was going to have for dinner after passing it on the bus ride to the conference. I texted my old college roommate, who happened to be in that town that whole week as well, to see if she had plans that night. She was taking forever to get back to me and I was so hungry. I didn't know whether I should wait for her so we could have dinner together or of I should go grab dinner by myself. And yes, by myself cause I'm not a social Susan by any means. 

From McCormick & Schmick's- my last dinner there/

I did want to grab a few snacks and probably some granola in case tomorrow's breakfast lines were  anything like earlier that morning so I headed out anyway figuring I would hear from her soon. Sure enough on my walk she said we'd meet the next day. I was secretly happy cause all I really wanted at that point was the Hooters I'd been eyeing. I placed my to go order with Hooters and since it was going to be a few minutes I went to CVS to get some essentials. Grabbed a bottle of water, travel size deodorant  (cause mine was getting really low) and a pregnancy test. 

I actually stood in front of the world's smallest selection of tests for quite a few minutes wondering if I should. I had gone all day with not many signs that Aunt Flow was going to make an appearance but I've been through this before, right?! I was going to pee on the stick, it would be negative, and my period would start the next day. But. I had that nagging feeling all afternoon. So, I grabbed the cheapest one-stick-in-the-box test I could find cause I wasn't about to waste money on pregnancy tests when I had a whole stash at home. I went through the self check out lane to avoid embarrassment (cause buying feminine products and pregnancy tests still embarrass me-even if the cashier is a woman) and headed to go get my food. After picking up my to go order, I headed back to the hotel and immediately got dressed for the gym. No excuses, right? I wanted to get my time in before it was time for dinner with my guys. The entire time on the elliptical all I could think about was the fact that I bought a pregnancy test that could turn out to be positive. And what if it was?!

I wasn't ready to go down that road. I mean with my history and the fact that I was away from home for the rest of the week, I didn't think I'd be able to cope without a doctors visit or minimally my husband to support me through this. I was done at the gym in enough time to head to my room for our call. I sat and ate with my guys and resolved that I would take then test when I got in the shower. And if it was negative I wouldn't get upset. I thought about rushing our FaceTime call but decided against it. My guys are hilariously entertaining and I was enjoying my time with them. Plus hubby was handling things like a champ! But still all the while knowing I had a pregnancy test just chilling in the bathroom was unnerving. I never said a word to my husband. If it did turn out to be positive, I wouldn't want to share that news with him via FaceTime. I'd want to be next to him, and hug him, and kiss him- just like all the others. Once our call ended I had to stop being a scardycat cat, face the music, and pee on the stick...

But let me shower first. 

Kidding. I couldn't wait. I'd been drinking that humungous bottle of water and was ready. Not really but I had to put on my big girl drawers and do it. So I did. I peed on the stick then jumped in the shower. 

*peeks out from behind shower curtain*

Holy s#!+. This was not happening! Oh my goodness, how did this happen? I mean I know how it happened but, how?? Ok, stop, breathe, scream! Don't scream. Ok then happy dance. I wanna happy dance so bad but what if this one doesn't stick around either?! I'll figure it out later. Right now, I'm exhausted and going to bed.